BEC口语：BEC口试指导：成功的自我介绍

　　成功个人陈述范例点评

　　多年的留学咨询和申请材料审改工作使我有了这样的体会，内容比较雷同，但语言不错的个人陈述也能帮助申请者获得奖学金，但是内容比较独特、新颖的个人陈述成功的可能性则要大得多。在以下的篇幅里，我介绍历年里比较成功的个人陈述的片断，并给予简单的评论。

　　绝大多数的申请者都会用主要的篇幅强调自己多么的勤奋，学习多么好。这两点最好少强调。这些优点是中国学生的共同特点，国外的教授已经知道。所有的人都写这些内容，读的人会产生厌倦感。下面这位同学的个人陈述突破了这个框框，她虽然在第一段中像别人一样讲成绩，但是第二段话锋一转，谈到中国的高考制度。

　　她说其实许多有才华的人就是因为高考不成功，没有上大学，就少了很多机会。她自己是考试制度下的成功者，但是能够表示出对比自己更艰难的同龄人的同情和理解，在众多的申请者中特别的难能可贵。所有的申请者都是用所有的篇幅讲自己多么优秀，讲自己如何奋斗，几乎没有什么人谈到别人的境况或者奋斗。

　　Having achieved the highest total of scores on the National University Entrance Examinations among all students in my hometown, I won acceptance into Chinese Youth College of Political Science (YCPS for shortly a preeminent institution of higher learning focused on political science and journalism. With that score, I could have opted for the most famous university in China, the Peking University, often dubbed China's Harvard, but my university is the best in its own right.

　　At this point, may I digress to comment on one important aspect of Chinese young people's life, namely, competition. I myself am a product of keen competition for better grades, which is quite pervasive all over China. It was so in my elementary school; it was so in high school-, it is all the more so in competing for entrance into universities. Only the cream of the cream, namely, 4% of all high school students get to universities. In retrospect, I could see that this system is seriously flawed, for it denied quite many young talents, many of whom I shall later on meet and talk to, opportunities they could not otherwise have had.

　　是不是非要把自己说成是成绩顶尖的学生才能获得奖学金呢?其实不一定。下面这位同学就是一个很好的例子。他的成绩并不优异，他在PS的第一句话就此做了说明。他是学生干部，在校期间为同学做了大量的服务，包括建立校园网站，包括代表学生要求食堂照顾学生的利益。至于能力，他主要谈的是团队精神和协作。为了建立一个出色的校园网站，他必须与其他的志愿者精诚合作，发挥每一个团队成员的特长。在这个三人团队中，有人负责页面设计，有人专长于编程，有人更胜任硬件的维护和管理。

　　I was not an outstanding student in the traditional Chinese sense. In a culture where “outstanding student” is narrowly defined as a student who gets good grades, I do not think I had the luck to join that rank, because I did not “ace all of my exams.”

　　……

　　A case in point: I helped design and maintain the award-winning university student website, www.nk3m.edu, Moonpacer being my pen name. My teammates, Erric and Tommy made our nicknames known throughout the university community because of our joint efforts. My primary contribution was in the area of page design, graphics and fine arts. I was also the first in putting a 20-item questionnaire online for student input in response to a series of food price adjustments by the School Logistics Department in charge of school cafeterias. Using the data I collected in two days, I was able to present to the school authority findings that were predominately against the price hikes. It was not the findings itself, but rather the fact that I represented 22% of the student population, that forced the Logistics Department to react and to modify its previous decisions.

　　In working with Erric and Tommy on the website, I learnt how to use my individual creativity wisely. While I always had my independent ideas and problem solving methods, I realized that my teammates had theirs. It did not help if I wanted to impose my preference on them. On the contrary, by being a good listener and by being willing to accommodate, I was better able to sell my own ideas. We each had strengths and weaknesses, but working as a team, we worked wonders. I was often referred to as the “go-to” person for issues related to Photoshop and JAVA; but if I had problems with B and VB and VC++, I would seek counsel from Eric. Tommy, on the other hand, was the unchallenged authority, on hardware. We grew as a team even as our fame grew because of the honorary mentioning of our names in our campus newspaper and newsletters. The beauty of the new technologies is that we can still function as a team as we leave college and go our separate ways.

　　许多申请者误以为需要夸大自己的学术能力，把自己吹嘘得不同反响，才能获得申请得成功。其实，我们申请出国学习不过是去做学生。如果我们已经是大师了，就不需要去学习了。所以，读理工科的学生用不着做过划时代的实验，读文科的同学用不着具备对学术问题的独到见解。在一般情况下，你也不可能做到这一点。硬要把自己吹得神乎其神，很容易专家看出来言过其实。

　　下面这几段选自一位申请读建筑工程博士学位的同学的PS。他在国内读的是走读大学，毕业后在建筑工地上当了四年监工，GRE考试成绩只有1800多分。他于是觉得自己的实力很弱，心里没有底。但是通过咨询，他从别的方面找到了自己的闪光点。他在当实习生的时候就参与了我国最大地面建筑即北京西客站的施工(虽然他只是承当了几根柱子的设计)。后来工程出现了下沉的问题，他仔细地分析了原因，递交了很厚的报告。他没有考虑到自己人微言轻，充分展现了主人翁的精神。

　　在所有的工头里面，他又是唯一做科学实验的。限于环境和工作性质，他的实验也不是什么高深的项目，而是怎样搅拌水泥，等等。最后，他的成功凭借的不是名校的学位，惊人的GRE成绩或是瞩目的科学实验，而是一种敬业精神和进取的态度。

　　The Western Station project in Beijing consisted of the mail hall (70,000 square meters), southern wing building group (40,000 square meters) and north wing building group (35. 000 square meters). But it was not too long before I discovered that, even in this monumental project, design techniques applied in many cases left much to be desired. When treating the wind load, the earthquake force and the effect of frozen soil historical data and intelligent estimates were used in place of accurate measuring. This phenomenon made me determined to improve my knowledge and skills in a graduate program that can teach sophisticated know-how, such as yours.

　　It regrettably turned out that the design of the mail hall was seriously flawed, which drew intense media attention nationwide. The structure sank two meters after completion. As experts continue to help the court determine who is responsible, I myself have been awed by this drama and kept researching it ever since it became known. My tentative explanation, submitted to the chief engineer, is that the disaster happened because the team of designers failed to take into account the underground water's power of buoyancy, even though the structure base was put below the waterbed. The structure floated until enough load was mounted. The proper construction method therefore should involved artificial precipitation until the completion of structure.

　　Upon graduation in 1996, I joined the Beijing Biggest Co., one of the four largest construction companies in China, and immediately took on management duties as an assistant manager at the construction. site. I have supervised steel engineering, concrete engineering and platform engineering for three twenty-three story buildings in the Beijing DD residential area, a total of 60,000 square meters in apartments. In this capacity, I was compelled to learn management skills that had never been taught in the classroom. Although construction management is not what I foresee to be a lifetime pursuit, I executed my duty meticulously and creatively. I became the first construction site manager in the company to conduct experiments comparing box-weir maintenance and the traditional manual watering method. By using box-weir method, weak concrete and cracks in the concrete were eliminated. Through these important, albeit small steps of improvement, I have derived immense satisfaction.

　　接下来的这位同学是学国际关系的。她谈论的是一个敏感话题，即911恐怖事件。这位同学的成功也在于突破中国学生写申请文件的固定思维。她没有谈自己的勤奋和成绩优秀，也没有谈自己读过那些名著，对国际关系有什么独到的见解。她开门见山地说，911除了给美国和全世界带来震惊以外，给学习国际关系的学者带来一些严峻的问题，让他们深思，讨论，理解并且行动。在国际的纠纷中外交要起到什么作用?在浓厚的宗教气氛中怎样推进非宗教的国际交往，包括国际贸易，人员流动和科学技术的合作?每一个国家怎样在国际交往中怎样既保持自己的文化特色，又能意识到自己的不足?更重要的是在纷争的世界，国际关系的专家怎样能靠自己的智慧来教育公众而不是利用国际事件来进行宣传和政治交易?

　　September 11 has forever changed Americans; it has forever changed peace-loving peoples of all nations and colors. For those who aspire a career in international affairs, September 11 produces more than shock, indignation and condemnation. It presents a unique opportunity and a challenge, to reflect, to examine, to interpret, to understand and to act.

　　Make no mistakes, I am all for the current military actions against the terrorists and those who harbor them. However, my bigger interest, call it academic or intellectual, lies in the dynamics post military actions. What roles can diplomacy play in the scheme of things? How can this religiously-charged world become more receptive of secular activities such as global trade, academic and people-to-people exchanges and collaborative efforts in science and technology? How can individual culture or nation learn to be more aware of its own excesses and extremities even as it strives to preserve its uniqueness? And, more importantly, what can researchers in international affairs, area studies specialists and international policy makers do to illuminate and educate the general populace instead of making a pure sales pitch or a 20 second sound-bite over the airwave?

　　独特性有很多的表现方式。这位同学的父亲是留学欧洲的留学生，在教育子女时比较强调思考的独立性和实际解决问题的能力。她的母亲是一位老师，强调的是传统的教育方法，从小就逼她背诵古文。绝大多数的申请者写到这里都会趁机讨好国外的教授，高度评价西方化的教学方法和教学思想。但是这位同学却说她母亲的这套老办法有利于培养坚忍、自律的品格以及出众的语言能力，而且在中国的教育制度下特别地有用。国外的教授如果读到的都是曲艺奉承、妄自菲薄的内容(这是中国申请者的通病)，也会很厌烦的。

　　My mother used highly traditional teaching methods which consisted of reciting classical works by Confucius and his disciples, the same Chinese approach as she had been taught since childhood. This process tended to be boring and even painful. However, it fostered persistence, discipline and strong language skills. In contrast, my father encouraged the questioning and challenge of these same works and to apply the information relative to my own life. Instead of mere acceptance of information, he challenged me to take an active part in learning which gave me better insight and genuine understanding of what I learned. The difference in my father’s teaching approach was due to his undergraduate training in France, which he described as a truly enriching experience.

　　But my mother’s approach is much more practical. In China, success for students hinges solely on superior examination results, with no other accepted measure of performance. In most cases, these examinations consist of regurgitation of information which has been presented lecture style without any discussion. Under this regiment, students are gradually conditioned to simply absorb information rather than be creative and to think.

　　对所学专业的热爱用不着用许多形容词，或者每天一定要学习12小时。这位同学本科学的是经济学，但是一直热爱社会学，他介绍的是自己怎样争取在大学转系而最终失败的过程。

　　But there was a twist. While I had the choice of all the best universities, the university authority, to my chagrin, was to decide what I should study in the 4 years to come, namely, Economics. They meant that as an honor for a student with caliber since economics in the booming age calls for the best talents. That decision to me, however, (was) a dream shattered.

　　My subsequent effort to transfer into my desired program was a long and heartbreaking story. I was powerless in the face of rigid rules and laws in the Chinese education system. But I decided that my passion for Sociology was not to be stifled. I jumped at any opportunity that came my way. I audited an impressive array of sociology courses including “Sociology Theories”, “Social Stratification and Social Mobility”, “Sociological Methodology” and so on.

　　绝大多数的学生不遗余力地介绍自己的勤奋的学习能力(其实是考试能力)，很少能够超出这个狭隘的自我。“自我”并不是一个不好的东西，但是“自我”有大，有小。有的人能够在考试之外还关心一点别的东西，他的“自我”内容就丰富一些，也就更可爱一些。为什么非要把自己描绘成一个对什么都不赶兴趣的考试机器呢?

　　下面的这段文字是一个学计算机的同学谈论学计算机语言和英语语法有相似性。它们都是规则，但是学好规则是为了获得更大的自由。由此引出了我国特别提倡的“吃苦精神”。“吃苦精神”是优良传统，但是它的局限性正是在于仅仅强调为了学好规则。

　　谈论一下这样的问题在广大的申请者中是极其难能可贵的，可以起到让人耳目一新的作用，难怪这样的PS会获得成功。

　　I often see the striking resemblance between computer science and English grammar. The analogy lies in the fact that even though there are numerous rules to follow, and there are no shortcuts to learning and mastering them, English grammar exists so that people can communicate in an infinite number of ways and still make sense. Another way of looking at it is in order for the English language to be meaningful, grammar is necessary, indeed, indispensable. However, grammar is there not to limit language, but to enrich it. Same is true for the type of “languages” we computer majors deal with. That’s why the Chinese traditional wisdom on “eating bitterness” can be extremely valuable or limiting at the same time. Undoubtedly one has to plough through what may be a very dull and painful process of studying, analyzing, reviewing, editing and experimenting. However, learning is not an end in itself. It is a means to an end. It has to be to applied to real life situations. It has be to used and used creatively. The “eating bitterness” philosophy stresses the former at the expense of the latter. My achievement is therefore much beyond solid training in mathematics, physics and computer languages. It rests on original and creative applications in the real world.

　　我曾经讲过，对写作PS来说，有一个有意思的开头就成功了一半。第一段是最重要的，它的好还决定了国外的教授是否决定读下去，而只有他们继续读下去，你的申请才能有希望。有相当数量的PS没有被读完就放弃了，主要原因是看上去雷同。

　　下面的这位同学所学专业与汽车有关，他的第一句话说自己的目标就是拥有一辆车。这会让读者有点吃惊。虽然自己是销售汽车的经理了，但还是买不起车，继而谈到我国的车要比国外贵一倍，她更长远的职业目标与改变这种让人遗憾的状况紧密相连。读者这时明白他说的话其实并没有题。

　　My short-term goal, not to be confused with my career goals, is to put myself behind the wheel. This may sound strange to American adults who take vehicle ownership for granted. In China, the automotive industry is still in its infancy and passenger cars, costing twice as much as in Western nations, are still beyond reach by ordinary citizens.

　　I want to do something about the lamentable situation in my country’s automotive sector. My short term career goal is to revisit all the auto industry data and knowledge I have accumulated over the years, develop and sharpen tools to make some sense out of the existing information and acquire new perspectives on market research and management trends by means of an MBA program. My long term goal is to establish a consulting company providing market research for the automotive industry so that automotive manufacturers and investors, whether Chinese or foreign, can achieve desirable results by optimizing their technical and human resources and achieve comparative advantages.

　　在开头段应用名人明言99%会失败。篇幅是宝贵的(通常成功的PS都在两页以内，长了容易让人厌倦)，要说自己的话，不要说名人或死人说过的话。另外，你也完全没有必要用名人明言来激励审查你的资格的外国教授。

　　但是下面这个例子是一个罕见的成功。这位同学应用了名人名言，不是为了教育国外的教授，或是与他们共勉，而是为了用新颖的方式来引出自己的职业理想，与上面那一段一模一样。他说马克吐温说人人谈天气，但谁也没有想到能做点什么改变天气。他说股票跟天气差不多，人人都在谈，但谁也没有想到除了运气以外，还可以有科学的方法来预测，来知道投资。他的志向就是用数量的方法来研究投资。

　　Mark Twain once observed to the effect that everybody talked about the weather, but nobody did anything about it. It makes a perfect analogy to the stock market. People talk about their investments and their gains and losses, but they are pretty much resigned to the fact that the cloud clusters hanging in the stock exchange sometimes give way to torrential rains or can be prelude to bright sunny days. As unpredictable as it is, the stock market is a science for those who have a passion for numbers.

　　Passion for numbers I do have. Since my middle school years, I have always preferred mathematics to other subject matters, although I have managed to remain on the top in all areas of academic discipline, be it Chinese or English or History or Geography. …

　　夸张与造作是PS写作中常见的弊病。有的同学努力渲染所谓悲惨童年，来强调自己奋斗的不容易。我们大多数人的生活虽然不富裕，但也并不那么悲惨。下面的这位同学比较中肯。他说生在教师的家庭，应该说是比较“寒酸”的。寒酸的家庭只能提供书籍，但是书籍中的乐趣却是无穷的。

　　“Han Suan,” literally “cold and sour,” is a Chinese expression describing a shabbily dressed student or scholar spending long and cold hours plodding away at some rather tedious and thankless subject matter. I was born into a scholarly family that was struggling financially to make both ends meet while the only entertainment seemed to center around book reading. A perfect picture of “Han Suan.” That said, I must add that books presented to me the intellectual challenge and the excitement of discovery such as no other media could ever match. I actually believed that I was hooked onto a subject matter that was not only going to lift our family, and many other families, out of scarcity and poverty but also improve our country’s overall economy.

　　如果自己真的是“苦大仇深”，也不能像祥林嫂诉苦，而应该自豪、自信、对生活和未来充满希望。下面的文字就是典范。

　　In many ways, it is thanks to the childhood hardship that I have made my achievements. In trying to help alleviate the financial burden on my parents, I made my debut in the art of money-making at an age when American kids probably could not be hired to work. I still remember earning my first coin by buying fruits from one place and then selling them in another. Too little a profit it might seem, but it counted towards meeting the family's expenses then. But the coin started me out in a business career that I now hope to translate into sizable fortunes.

　　……

　　Luckily, my parents, ignorant as they were, knew that the key to real success would lie in my education, and they toiled and moiled year in and year out to put that key into my hand, in a parental spirit and tradition that probably ran only be found in China. Watching my parents working their backs off every day, I acquired the kind of determination, drive, and sense of responsibility not usually found in a small kid. With my parents' unswerving support I studied successfully and outperformed most of my classmates. For years, my academic report card was the main source of pride in my family.