BEC名师点评作文（11）

　　BEC商务英语考试在现在的考试形式占有重要的地位，当今社会不论是学生还是职场人都在努力的奋斗这提升自己的能力和晋升的空间，那么我们该怎么样复习好BEC英语呢!

　　我觉得用中文写一篇高质量的图表说明文很不简单，何况用英文，必须对图表的总体特征、主要对象走势、最大值、最小值、转折点等关键点做出简明扼要的陈述。好在说明文相对比较机械，还是有规律可循。我对课堂资料进行了一番整理，总结出一些常用句型和词汇，背诵了几篇范文，很快就上手了。下面是一些老师的点评，希望对大家有所帮助。

　　作文题目

　　You need to inform your marketing team abouta radio advertising campaign for one of yourcompany's new products.

　　Write an email to your team:

　　* reminding tehm which new product it is

　　* explaining why you've chosen to advertise onradio

　　* saying what you expect the advertisingcampaign to achieve.

　　Write 40-50 words.

　　Sample:

　　It is believed that everyone knows about our new product - TE 128, which will be launch edrecently. We will use radio advertising owing to our budget . I hope that the campaign willcover most of the cusomters we are having now and bring new ones.

　　网友作文一：

　　Dear All,

　　Our new product advertising campain[1] for A02 auto-navigating instrument[2] is comingsoon. As you know, radio is the most available for drivers. I believe we will make a gorgeousadvertisement suitable for them.

　　_________________________________________

　　[1]这个名词结构太长了，另外主体不清楚啊。看清楚题目要求，先remind 大家一下，可以用很多表示提醒的结构。

　　[2]英文中的"设备"有很多个词，这个词适合乐器，应该搭配musical instrument, 这个地方比较合适用facility 或者 equipment

　　网友作文二：

　　To: marketing team

　　Fr: coco218

　　Date: Dec. 15th,2008

　　Subject:a radio advertising campaign for new products

　　Dear teammate,

　　A new mobile phone[1] will be the next NEW ARRIVAL.And it will be advertised on radiobecause of our short of money[2] .I hope our marketing team could make out an attactiveadvertisement and the sale would hit 20% of the market share[3].

　　Thanks.

　　Regards.

　　_________________________________________

　　[1]这不对吧，你们公司原来不是做mobile phone 的?改为 new product 比较合适。

　　[2]Shortage of money

　　[3]画蛇添足，sale 就是可以冲击新高的，这和market share 有什么关系。

　　网友作文三：

　　To:All stuff

　　From:Manager

　　Date:Dec.16th 2008

　　Subject:a radio advertisement of our new products

　　I want to inform you our radio campaign for the new medicine.I think[1] many elders oftenlisten to the radio and they are the are[2] in most need of our products,also advertising onradio is much cheaper than on TV,we can have more profits[3] or bring down the price[4].

　　Thank you.

　　_________________________________________

　　[1]去掉这种主观的表达。直接用后面的主语开头。

　　[2]改为the ones

　　[3]Maximize the margins.

　　[4]去掉

　　网友作文四：

　　To: Marketing team

　　From: Alvin

　　Subject: radio advertising campaign for inverter transformer

　　Dear All,

　　The inverter transformer[1], as a new product of our company, need an advertisment now.Taking the aim customers'[2] habit into consideration, we decide to advertise on radio. Weexpect to make people accept our new product and get sale amount of 5 million USD within thefirst two months.

　　Thanks!

　　Best Regards!

　　_________________________________________

　　[1]既然是个产品，首字母应该大写

　　[2]这个叫target customer

　　网友作文五：

　　To: all salesmen

　　From: Joe Lee, Marketing Manager

　　Subject: launching an ad on radio

　　I would like to inform all of you that I decide[1] to launch the advertisement of our newproduct of earphone on radio in that students are one of the major audience of radio and theyare also our main consumers.[2]

　　_________________________________________

　　[1]改为：it is decided that.....

　　[2]整个句子太长了