BEC名师点评作文（2）

　　BEC剑桥商务英语证书在中国被认可的主要以外资企业居多，特别是英联邦和欧盟成员国家的企业。BEC在外企及外籍人士中认可度还是很高的。

　　作文题目：

　　写一封正式的信件，邀请一位记者参加发布会，字数在120-140左右。

　　信件须包含以下五个要点。

　　1.产品名称

　　2.产品发布会地点

　　3.这一活动的日期和时间

　　4.活动计划的一些具体内容

　　5.回复的最后期限

　　老师指点：

　　首先，写商务信函的具体格式和要求如下：

　　1.写信人的地址;

　　2.收信人地址;

　　3.参考

　　注：一般商业信函中有的一个注解，通常包括信函签字人和打字人的姓名首字母缩写，有时候也有部门名称的缩写，这样以备存档和查找方便。

　　4.日期;

　　5.格式化的开头;

　　6.标题;

　　7.正文;

　　8.结束语;

　　9.签名;

　　10.姓名及职位;

　　11.附件。

　　网友作文一：

　　Dear Sir or Madam:

　　I[1] am writing to invite you for a new mobile telephone release comference.There will be aNew Product & Trends Presentation in Qinhua Saloon at 9 o'clock on Saturday morning.Ourmanager will present and answer your[2] questions.

　　Please inform us before Friday this week so as to facilitate our arrangements in advance.

　　Looking forward to your reply

　　Faithfully,

　　XXX[3]

　　[1]最好开头可以有一句：With reference to your letter of the 15th this month, 或者：I amvery honored to invite you to attend the ....因为如果完全没有之前的业务咨询或者往来，发出这样一封邀请信会比较唐突，换个角度想想，你要是记者，会接受这样一个突如其来，没有任何先兆和信息的邀请信么?

　　[2]回答什么问题，可以用enclosure 的形式体现，因为字数限制。

　　[3]格式不对

　　网友作文二：

　　Dear Mr. Simth,

　　I am writing to invite you to take part in[1] our new product Model 123 printerannouncement event, which will be held on the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel.

　　On[2] the event, the printer's functions will be descibed in detail, and you will have chanceto experience yourself on the new product. And there is a cocktail party in the evening. Pleasepay attention to the following notes:

　　Place: on the 3rd floor,the banquet hall of China Grand Hotel

　　Time: 15:00 on July 4, 2008

　　Would you please fax me a reply before July 2 in case of your seat[3].

　　Looking farward to your prompt reply and expecting your attendence. [4]

　　Best regards[5],

　　Applegreenjh

　　[1]换成：attend/present 都可以。这个词组一般指群众集会型

　　[2]During

　　[3]For reserving/booking.

　　[4]好句子，回归本色。

　　[5]Yours faithfully

　　网友作文三：

　　Dear Brian,

　　I represent the D&G Electronics Company in HongKong, and invite you to attend ournew product –multifunction watch press, which will be held on Tuesday, 1st July. The latestproduct of this press is a new-model and unique watch, not as normal as others[1] , whosefunctions have games ,in particular, mp3 & digital player. We believe such a productwould lead another fresh trend in market. If you could present in the press, please fill up theVIP card enclosed by return before Saturday,28th June.

　　We look forward to your attendance.

　　Best wishes[2] ,

　　Jolene

　　[1]废话，前面用了unique, 这里就不要再用了。

　　网友作文四：

　　Dear Sir or Madam:

　　We would like to invite you to an exclusive presentation of our new product - duct formermachine. The presentation will be held at Hailan Hotel, at Saturday ,on July 12, 2008. There willalso be a reception at[1] the same day.

　　Sanjing Technology Co. Ltd. is a leading producer of high – quality. As you will know,recent technological advances have made increasingly affordable to the public[2] .Thepresentation will be held from 9:30 a.m. to 11:00 a.m. During that time, we wii show you theadvantage of this machine, also show you how to operate the machine .After thepresentation, we will arrange the dinner for you[3] .

　　Please reply the invention until at Tuesday ,on July 8, 2008. We look forward to seeing youat Hailan Hotel on Saturday

　　Sincerely yours,

　　Lisa

　　PR manager

　　evelinefei@***.com

　　Enclosure: reception

　　[1]On

　　[2]Enjoyed high public awareness.

　　[3]口语化太明显了。另外信函中的句子很多会使用被动语态的。改为： advantage and operationwould be presented and there will be a dinner afterwards.

　　网友作文五：

　　Dear Sir[1],

　　It's very kind for you to read this mail[2].

　　I'm writting to invite that our company***will hold a ship promulgation meeting atGuomao Hotel at 3:00pm 30th June.We will introduce that our company product---ships,includeship types and specification and analyze the ship development futrue[3].

　　If we have the honour to take your time, please reply this mail before 28th June.

　　Thank you very much and best[4] regards.

　　***CO.LTD

　　Sales Department

　　***

　　[1]补充格式

　　[2]这句话太谦卑了，没有必要。去掉。

　　[3]飘红的部分，语法结构有问题，商业信函的特征就是干练，精确，完整，一语中第，如果长句写不好，就放弃，改为短句。Invite you to attend our release conference at .... 第二句：we will launch anew product-- *** ship. 第三句：all the information about the ship such as type, specification,and quality would be presented.

　　[4]如果这是一封正式的商业信函，如果你不是和对方很熟悉，建议换掉这个结尾吧：sincerely yours是个不错的选择!

　　[2]问题同上，格式和称谓。